Every part of me aches as I haul myself up alongside Bushy after a degree^ of sleep. We need to get “Trustworthy’s” Pack through The Portal as soon as we can. I try one last time,
“I’m still not certain about sending proven not-for-Pack dogs into such a high-risk, low-supervision situation.” Bushy scoffs,
“You have no problem socialising with a Runt-eater!”
“But she’s done nothing dangerous to Pack as a whole.”
“Except rob Pack of yet another pup when we’re already confronted with a warrior generation?” We had this conversation chasing its tail last night. I can try to explain how I feel so much more relaxed with Gentle over any-dog in that provision-pack but she can’t smell it that way. After nadir, my concerns, were rejected in favour of increasing the small provision-pack Outside.
“I know, you don’t smell it the same as me, time to find out who smells it clearly.”
It all keeps running in my head, a pack of thoughts tussling and shoving one another. By the time we got back to Pack Inside, Trustworthy’s pack had been herded into the stores and away from prying noses. They were hungry but were not fed until we had discussed what Pack needed from them. I thought we would be more certain of their loyalty if they had been fed first and were not as desperate. In this, at least, Broad agreed with me but Bushy said they were lucky not to be passed directly onto Pack Guider^ Large First Eyes Rise who would put them Outside anyway and missing some ears.
Broad, Bushy, Slender, Trustworthy and I are accompanying the not-for-Packs to Outside, where we will settle them amongst the burgeoning Outside-Pack. Bushy gave them a stern lecture about how these dogs served Pack in their place but, since she does not respect Outside-Pack, I don’t think it inspired respect for those already there.
The prep area is crammed with two littersworth^ of dogs. Barely any-dog can move. Bushy has insisted that none of the provision-pack go out (“The less they're smelled, the better for Pack.”). We have a full shift on, desperately trying to stock-take and prepare for the Set delivery of Rise-caught provision. There are enough resources around at risk of still-hungry providers “forgetting” Pack and helping themselves to. Who knows any more what a hungry dog will do. I am rammed between Masculine who is trying to move scraps of hide and bone that hadn't yet been cleared when the provision-pack descended, into the "useful in a certain situation but not useful until that situation arises" cache. She is also having prolonged contact with a dog from the provision-pack that I haven’t met before. I can smell it now, they are deeply attracted to each other. The warrior from a season ago was potentially a fun fuck when Heat came round, this dog might be worth her getting a Heat Suite. Shame he’s about to go and den Outside where Masculine can’t visit, even if I could produce a Heat Dose for her somehow.
“Alright Pack. We are going to proceed as though we are going to the hunting grounds to South^. Once we are out of scent-range from Pack, we will redirect to The Portal. Once we are through, Slender and I will return to Pack to liaise with my pack finding out how much damage was done. You three will take them the rest of the way, get them settled and Trustworthy will send ye back,” indicating Broad and me, “come find me immediately.” We click that we have understood. She indicates for Slender to take point. He squeezes past the crush of bodies and out the passage to the surface.
The Leaf-scent is actually a small relief after the smell of too many dogs in an enclosed space. Bushy is in First Eyes with Trustworthy, Broad joins the pack to Rise near the front. I drift further back to the Set. Hopefully we won't be too conspicuous, but there are plenty of reasons why in a time like this QDs^ might go with provider-packs towards hunting grounds. I observe those around me. They are tired, they are hungry. They are… annoyed. There are the tell-tale signs of bond-communication going on. Several dogs turning their noses subconsciously to the same place, or small tics in synch across several dogs and the gradually increasing scent of Pack. I pick a likely candidate and sidle up to her,
“What happened to ye out there?” She does not seem eager to chat, doesn’t want to miss pack-chat. My cycle with stealth-dogs has desensitised me to how remarkable it is to be able to manage multiple modes of communication at once. “Oh! I am sorry, ye are obviously having bond-communication. I won’t interrupt.” She doesn’t like that either, she feels a pulse of shame, like she was the reason I figured out that they were communing. I feel a snap around me, as many dogs leave pack-communication at once. “Oh, I am sorry every-dog! I truly did not want to disturb ye. Just we have been wondering what happened to ye all for nearly a half-season^.” In truth I have not had two thoughts for the pack. Why worry over missing dogs who turned against their pack-guider and stole provision from a desperate Pack when Leaf-Pack Guider is committing far worse atrocities against Pack? The dog who fancies Masculine, possibly in an effort to find out more about her, certainly still throbbing with hormones, drifts towards me,
“Trustworthy is a good dog and I know he was thinking about Leaf-Pack but we were hungry. How're we meant to provide without provision?”
“Valid point. Did ye discuss it with him? I know him to be a very reasonable dog, but if ye say he did not treat ye fairly then that should be addressed.”
“He said that we were getting larger portions than the rest of Pack but that can’t’ve been true, or Pack would have started eating each other!” How little he knows! At least he knows so little about Pack then any information leaked the other way was likely insignificant.
“Well for the last two seasons, most of Pack have had provision the size of a medium rodent^ or smaller every two days. Is that more than ye were getting?”
“Um. No.” I can just about feel a trickle of shame in their closed pack-bond (I must be getting better at stealth-Service). It spreads out but hits little dams of defiance and righteous anger.
( What have you said? This pack stinks of shame! ) Broad asks me, chucking gently, affectionately.
( Nothing, I just encouraged them to think of other dogs deserving of World and Soil’s love. )
( Already! You don’t wait when the betterment of Pack is at stake do you? )
( What else will I do while we trudge? ) He retreats, chucking, into whatever communication he is having with the dogs surrounding him.
“I understand why it felt like a very small amount of provision particularly if you were expending energy to provide. It must have been terrible to have gone through that, far from Pack. I know I would’ve found it hard to believe that was more than any-dog was getting.” I realise how many ears are listening. Two per dog, twice as many as are already Outside. Some dogs feel relief at my simple words, but others are mulling it over and feeling rotten, others are still defiant but hiding in the pack-scent so I don’t know who. “Well, ye are all getting a chance to serve as you were trained. Ye have more experience than the Outside-Pack. They have been broken by Leaf-Pack Guider Large First Eyes Rise and his high-notched pack of hyenas, as I am sure you will hear over the coming seasons. In many ways, I think ye will find that ye have been let down by the same dog.” I didn’t call him a not-for-pack, there’s a lot of that being thrown around at the moment.
“I feel foolish now, I have been trying to think of a time when Trustworthy was anything other than truthful and kind to us as a pack.”
“Hungry dogs make bad decisions.” I don’t want to alienate any dog truly returning to Pack.
“Yeah, but I didn’t think I would be one of them.”
( I think you have an ally growing here. ) I throw back to Trustworthy in our well-worn but under-used bond.
( I’ll thank you later. ) He sends me a small, tired, wave of Heat memories.
“I’m Determined Runt^ Set, provider for a littersworth of cycles, not-for-Pack for a season.”
“I don’t see why that should outweigh the Service before and any that you do from now.”
“Thanks, but I don’t want to let myself escape the guilt-hyena just yet.”
“You’re Brave Set?” I turn to a slight and wiry dog, who has obviously been a provider at least as long as I have been a QD. I scrabble for her name from the deep-storage that is life on World.
“Yes. Clarity Set?”
“Good memory! I don’t know how a QD can keep even a small Pack in their head. But we last spoke on Soil and only a few times.”
“You were in Trustworthy’s provision-pack on World. I have happy memories of tagging along on a provision trip with ye.” Those memories are warm and rich but in no way defined. When we came back, Trustworthy and I decided to take a Heat dose, so I remember barely anything else.
“Ah yes. I forgot that. You have been Outside before, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, many times. What do you want to know?”
“Is it true there is plenty of provision Outside?”
“We've had no suggestion of shortage nor problems finding prey.”
“Then why doesn’t Leaf-Pack Guider Large First Eyes Rise let dogs go where they please?” Chirps in a stocky dog trotting behind me.
“This is a question we have all been asking. It has been decided it is best for Pack to not send them out into this hostile world without sturdy Pack-control.”
“But if you were only having a medium rodent every other day then Pack has been hungry for long enough, why didn’t he help?”
“We’re not sure. To be honest with ye all, I envy ye a little. Ye are going to live Outside in a hardserving but safe Pack. There is plenty of provision for yerselves as long quotas for Pack are met. Outside, the settlement itself, is perfectly pleasant. I find I prefer settlements that develop according to Pack’s needs rather than the planned versions we have Inside.” I'm making it sound too exciting, the last thing we want is them to be reckless and to lose what is clearly going to be a real asset to hungry bellies. “That said, there are no barriers of any kind to keep any of the other species away. It's possible that a provision-pack encountered a tortoise for the first time yesterday.”
“I bet there is a lot of good provision on a tortoise.”
“I think you’ll find that there is little tolerance for making sentient animals prey in this pack.” I trust Gentle to keep Outside-Pack from committing that particular act.
“I heard that on World the other species were disposed of,” bloody Masculine, she got very chatty very quickly, “I get that we couldn’t hope to achieve as much with a hungry Pack but, we know how to cross the barrier, so why don’t we take them like they did on World?” Just the kind of dog Masculine goes for, hot-blooded and impetuous.
“Because we don’t even have contact with any settlement more than a day^ away. There are three settlements that we/ye provide for, but the 3 further into the compound we (well QPGs at least) have heard nothing from since the very first litter of pups. Let’s focus on keeping Pack alive before we start sending them off to take lives.” There is a gentle, rustling quiet as various dogs consider the things they’re learning. I don’t think they had any idea of what has been going on with Pack. The hunting degree has begun so this lot will need to start proving themselves for-Pack in the Rise.
( I feel a lot more confident now. Thank you Brave. You seem to know how to calm even when life is like this. ) Trustworthy is happy for us to leave now.
( I think that at least a littersworth will be no bother. Determined Runt Set, Spiky Rise, Clarity Set and some others I didn’t get the names of, they seem to have thought they were doing what was best for the provision-pack at least and seem now to be eager to provide in a way they recognise – ish. There are a few others I can't identify, who don’t think mistakes were made. I guess if they ditch again, they can try their luck with the tortoises, it is not like they can take provision we can’t spare now. )
( Come on, Peacemaker, we better get back to Bushy and whatever is happening Inside. ) Broad has already started the trudge to The Portal.
( Fine. ) I am beginning to dread being Inside, ignored by Bushy. At least Outside some-dog listens.