This Rise, Notch Quiet Rise came for me. I had been waiting for her. I denned out in the human-settlement. The pack seem pretty happy here, they are familiar with the surroundings and perform a number of strange behaviours from their lives before which I cannot explain. Maybe they can remain here. I cannot. I knew when Notch came to fetch me, they have a way across the barrier. I will be going Outside of Pack. I will never be able to hurt Pack again. I know they will do it by Set. They took my ears the day I made Vicious Set runt. The pain is not the only thing I can think of anymore. I scratch the wound open each time I remember what I have done since being removed from Soil and World. No-dog will ever approach me again. I am alone. I will leave, and I will Walk, before I hurt any other individuals.
I am to stay here until Set. I was not intending to go anywhere. The ever-pups are restless, they have barely left this area for three days and they are too energetic. When I asked Notch Quiet Rise what would happen to them, she said that they would be returned to their natural environments. When I tried to explain that they wouldn’t survive she wavered. She is going to ask. It is hard to look at something so dog and not feel the responsibility of First Eyes for them. Late First Eyes Runt^ is to stay here, to be cared for by Pack, maybe she can find a Service somehow.
She is playing with Spotless and the others. Pointy is fully alert and informing me of everything I cannot hear whether from the blood rushing in my ears or my lack of ears. Late First Eyes Runt has come so far in this time, these dogs have taught her much. Maybe the pack should stay with her.
I don’t know why I am wasting my thoughts on this. It has been proven, that I cannot think for-Pack. I should not make anything worse. I need to do what I can for Pack while I can. Zenith isn’t here yet. At least the Set hunting-degree^ is not that far away with the short degrees at this time of Damp-cycle.
The ever-pups follow me and Notch Quiet Rise as she escorts me to the barrier. It is not where I have accessed the barrier before. It is an awkward breach point, far from Pack, but as soon as I smell what we are approaching I realise why. Somehow there is Soil here. Not just Soil but Soil that is tinged with the den-pack that I once was a part of. My former den-mates agreed to give Soil from our– their comfort-unit for this. I smell Vicious Set. I have not smelled him since he was taken by a QPG and I was taken to Pack Guider^ Ingenious Runt Set. She barely listened to my story before agreeing to taking my ears. My den-pack took them. Tall Rise took my Rise and Clumsy Rise took my Set.
Vicious Set looks and smells alarming, he has clot-weed packed into the wound on his head and his body language is wrong. There is a clear patch with a pile of Soil. At least half a comfort-unit’s worth. The savagery of Tall as he bit through my ear and twisted it free of my body flickers into my mind. They hate me more than the rest of Pack, they would make any sacrifice for me to be gone. I have hurt them the most.
Vicious Set makes eye contact with me and pisses onto the Soil. At first, it forms rivulets that flow over the dry Soil, but it starts to be absorbed. He keeps pissing. Late First Eyes Runt, after degrees of training, has learnt to piss where I piss. She obliges by pissing on Soil with Vicious Set. I want to reprimand her, but she doesn’t know that she is desecrating the creator of all dogs. Vicious Set knows, he is daring me to challenge him. Notch Quiet Rise has turned her nose away. The smell of Soil and piss smells so familiar and of-World. The kind of smell you do not notice missing until you catch a hint of it. They are both relieved,
“Roll. When you are covered, walk through the gap between the crags there, then you will be out-of-Pack and Pack will be safe.” Notch Quiet Rise is neutral in scent and sound. I roll in the new mud, feeling the hot piss trickle to my skin and the Soil cake my coat. I thought I would be thrilled to experience Soil in any capacity but the violation of limited Soil, the lingering scents of my former den-mates and the salt make me wish this was not my last ever taste of Soil.
I feel the movement around me. As the piss stings my ear wounds, I realise the others are rolling, I can’t explain to them to not. I even ruined my expulsion with these idiot dogs! I cannot even leave Pack and Walk with dignity.
I stand and walk away as fast as possible. The sooner I am gone, the sooner they can fix the damage I have done. I am 3 lunge-lengths beyond the crags when I realise that I am Outside the barrier. The scents are similar but different out here. A misty drizzle starts, and I can feel the last remnants of Pack and Soil and World passing away from me. Pointy followed through but the others do not have enough of whatever it is needed from the mud to leave. They are bashing against the barrier. I can barely hear anything except their thudding, when Pointy howls. I stride away from the situation. They are safe from me now.